So, without going into too much detail (because you either know already or you don’t know the person), Pathways lost a long-time family member this week as someone in our community took his own life. Needless to say, there are many feelings swirling around the situation — loss, anger, bitterness, hurt. On my way home from hearing the news, i naturally started flipping through the music in my stereo. First, it was the new MGMT track, and then I landed on the new Radiohead for a while, enjoying the chaos.
Suddenly, i turned it off and instead started singing a song that a friend wrote back in college. The first verse expresses frustration that, due to personal guilt and struggle, the speaker feels that his prayers aren’t being heard. The bridge and the chorus are God’s response back to the speaker, in which there’s the line “When the road that you’ve traveled seems like it never will end, I’ll be your friend. And the time that you feel like this world is so far from your home, you’re not alone. I will never depart; just seek Me with all your heart.”
The first time i heard that song, it resonated so deeply with me. i instantly connected with the grace and overwhelming love of God that is expressed in it, and i’ve gone back to it many, many times in the past. What I was met with this week, however, is the reality that those words can come back empty to the hearer. I have to choose to believe them. They don’t become any less true if i don’t, but what they mean to me will be lost if i ignore them.
Worship on Sunday is going to mean a little more to me than normal, i think. Lyrics are always the most important part of a “worship” song to me, but even then, i can forget what I’m saying as I focus on the technical aspect of what I’m playing (it comes with the territory of being a novice bassist). I can only hope that I, and our community, can take a bit of comfort from what we say, and most importantly, personalize it.
